My Cougar is Verbally Abusive

Written by Lucia on .

mad-girl1
Hi Lucia,
 
I've been dating a 44 year old married woman for 3 years. I'm 33 and also married. The problem we are having is that she does not put too much effort into our relationship. The sex is great and we get along, but when we get into arguments, she is verbally abusive. She tries to shut me down, doesn't listen or look for solutions. It seems she's trying to gain the control and power she doesn't have at home because her husband calls all the shots and treat her badly.
 
I've tried my best to give this woman the emotional support and affection she has missed in the past but it has gotten to the point where she is just using me for sex when it's convenient for her.
 
She recently sent me an email that ended with, "I'm sorry for everything that I've done in the past that wasn't up to your expectations...and for ruining your life. That was never my intention - I guess I should have just left you alone. You know how to reach me should you ever want to talk or need someone to vent to. You will be my sunshine always and forever. I love you."
 
Do you think she wants a break or to end it? Should let her go? Bunny
 
Hi Bunny,
 
Wow, talk about mixed messages in her email. Nothing like stabbing someone in the heart while you're kissing them.
 
Should you let her go? Hell, yeah! You never should have let her come in the first place, literally and figuratively. You fear that she's just using you, but I have a newsflash for you: when one or both of the parties in a relationship are married, they are using each other, since it has no future until they are both single.
 
I do not condone affairs, but if you're going to have one, why pick someone who's going to be verbally abusive? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of wanting to be with someone who makes you feel good, since you're already dissatisfied in your marriage?
 
Anytime someone says something along the lines of, "Sorry for ruining your life" or "Have a nice life", they are being manipulative and trying to get a reaction. She's not going anywhere, however I suggest you go back to your marriage and give your wife emotional support and affection, instead of someone else's.
 
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My 22-Year-Old Cub Wants to Marry Me

Written by Lucia on .

ring2
Hello, Lucia,
 
I am a 36 year-old woman who is heavily involved with a 22 year old. I have been divorced for 2 1/2 yrs., and have 2 beautiful little girls. I've been seeing my gorgeous, younger guy for almost a year and a half.
 
When we met, I was only divorced a short while and was merely looking for a good time, and so was he. I must admit, I am a beautiful, sexy woman, who knows what I want, and have a reputation as a heartbreaker. I have always refused to let a man make a fool out of me, because I have always known my value. I am, however, deeply in love with my cub. We are so close, best friends, and have the best sex imaginable.
 
I tried, for the first year, to end our relationship, but he is so head-strong, and has a way with me, like no other. He refused to let me go. My family loves him, and his family loves me. I have actually become extremely close to his mother. He is so wonderful to my girls. He has really become like a second father to them. He is not a big partier, and always, always comes straight home to me. He has NEVER put me off so he can be with his friends, and I have NEVER had a reason not to trust him.
 
He says he wants to marry me, eventually, and wants us to have a child together. I never bring up marriage, or really discuss it with him at all. He is a very hard worker, and his mother says, he always has been. He helps me with my bills around the house, and he is my handy-man. He truly is an old-soul, and the best partner I could possibly ask for. He says he had been drinking, and partying since he was 15, and that it made him miserable.
 
I would love to marry him in a couple of years, but, rightfully so, am scared to death of making a mistake. I have read your past blogs about men not really being ready until 25. If this is wrong for me and my girls, I need to figure it out now. Thanks so much, Lucia...I really enjoy your blog. Felicia
 
Hi Felicia,
 
Wow, I have to admit, this guy sounds like a dream. He seems to be the ideal partner except for the fact that he's only 22, old soul or not. Not only are most guys under 25 not ready to be married, their decision making ability (pre-frontal cortex) isn't fully formed until then.
 
Although you mentioned wanting another child, that's never a good reason to speed things up. I would suggest you continue to date for a couple of years and see how you both feel at that time. If things are as great as they sound, then time will only bring you closer together.
 
Good luck and thanks for showing the world that younger men who date older women are not just doing it for the sex – some of them actually want serious relationships!
 
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